isn't it ironic...don't you think?

technology has created quite a few social phenomenons in recent years. one of them being that texting has become many people's main form of communication. this has resulted in a myriad of impersonal personal relationships. i must admit i love texting. i mean, there are so many good uses for it. for example, yesterday i sent a text with one question to someone i don't talk to often enough. and she sent me back the answer. simple as that. i didn't have time at that moment to have the necessary conversation filling each other in on the going-ons of our lives. i will soon, but just not yesterday. another good use is when you've already talked to the person twice that day and having to say all the "how are you"s and the "okay, talk to you later"s over again becomes awkward. in this case you can just continue your conversation through texts. quite useful.

it is, of course, illegal to drive and text in utah, but there may be a possibility that i still flipped open my phone occasionally and got out a text. of course, if i had done this i would never have taken my eyes off the road. no need, you see, because i could feel the buttons and would have had them memorized. however, with the recent acquirement of a touch screen phone, it is no longer possible to text while driving. not that i would or anything...mmhmm. this situation has caused an interesting anomaly. as i drive through a city i'll feel my phone vibrate and i find myself wishing for red lights. red lights so i can stop and read my text and answer and continue my impersonal but useful conversation. of course, when i wish for red lights they always seem to be green...but then, that's not the ironic part now is it?

to write of love

w.h. auden wrote about love like this:

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.


my favorite line is obviously "time watches from the
shadow and coughs where you would kiss."  it's great.
the second to last stanza is really beautiful though.
really.

top five movies i saw in 2009

2009 was not a good year for movies. there were very few to recommend to others (in my opinion, at least.) so here is the list of the best five movies i saw this year. these are movies that came out this year. i did see several of my favorite movies again this year, but here we're just talking about new ones.

5. the blind side

sandra bullock. sandra bullock with a gun and a kick-a attitude. awesome. this movie isn't particularly well made. the only good actor is bullock. it's a little cheesy. okay, a lot cheesy. there's also not much of a conflict. the story is pretty much happy from beginning to end, which is not usually the kind of story that is fun to watch. but it was fun to watch. it entertained me, made me laugh, but more than that it made me feel something. i actually felt emotion while watching this movie. this is something almost all the 35 or so new movies i saw this year totally failed at. but even more than that, i felt inspired. inspired to do something wonderful for someone else. inspired to look at people in a different way. inspired to do something a little different in my life. and when you're talking about art, what more can you ask for?

4. sherlock holmes

robert downey jr. and jude law make this movie worth seeing. there's nothing really spectacular about it, but these two characters grab your attention and are really fun to watch. i've heard a lot of complaints about pacing problems, but i didn't think that it dragged at all. sherlock is a lot less annoying than he usually is, in part because of rdjr.'s charm, and in part because his character is kind of a loser (he's a drunk who has only one friend). there are many aspects, though, that are very loyal to the holmesian tradition. he's smarter than everyone else and not afraid to show it and he's constantly helping out the always-one-step-behind police. the movie itself is pretty stylized and artistic. but honestly...it's just fun to watch. simple as that.


3. up

well, if you saw my review for this movie back in june you're probably surprised to see this here. but again, i've been surprised at the low quality of movies i've seen this year. yes, this movie annoyed me with it's sexist plot line. and holy cow i wish the talking dogs weren't in the movie. so annoying. but overall it was a fun, very well made movie that deserves to be near the top of my list. up was also a very emotional movie...the most romantic movie i saw no question. it's a movie i would definitely see again and hope to own one day.

2. harry potter 6

this was a GOOD movie. i have to admit i like the fifth movie better, but i think they did an excellent job with this one. the teen angst was really at it's pinnacle here, and the action was wonderful. they skipped all the boring stuff that doesn't move the plot along. it was very artistic and exciting and those kids are getting a lot better at acting. there's not really a lot of argument here. i don't know anyone who didn't like this movie. i haven't seen it since the theater, and it has been too long. anyone who says that sequels are never better than the first movie has never seen this movie.

1. (500) days of summer

i love love love love love love love love LOVE this movie. i'd never seen a movie three times in the theater until this year, that's how much i love it. someone asked me a few weeks ago why i love it so much and i kind of didn't have a reason. i hadn't really thought of it in great detail like i normally do when i see movies. i just LOVE it. it was just so...good. i mean really. i don't know many people who can't relate to this movie in some way. the soundtrack is awesome. the story is different and refreshing. so many movies these days are just regurgitations of the same basic plot. but this one was new and fun. the main character is adorable. this movie is happy and sad and funny and emotional and romantic and depressing and hopeful. if you haven't seen it you're definitely missing out.

run, that ye may obtain

i think my big problem with completing new year's resolutions is the same for any type of goal i set. namely, once i fail i just quit trying. actually, this is how i am with anything. once i do poorly at something i just give it up completely. from something as small as a single homework assignment to the always-in-my-life goal of quitting my nail-biting, once i mess up, i'm done. this is also my pattern for when i do something well. if i reach what i believe is my best, i quit. that might actually sound healthy, but it's not. i'm talking about things i could possibly get better at, but feel like it would take a lot more work than it's worth. like playing the clarinet. or getting a b instead of an a. all this being said, i've never been the sort to make new year's resolutions. i feel like most people don't actually fulfill their new year's goals and i don't want to be one those people who makes a goal and tries really hard for two weeks and then gives it all up, and then does the exact same thing the next year. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting the same result. at least according to einstein.

so this year i've decided to make some new year's goals. i've excluded the word resolution from my goal making because one-it just sounds like something people don't actually accomplish, and two-the only time people use this word is at the new year, which doesn't sound like something you'd continue working on in july. so...what should i work on this year?

i haven't made any solid goals yet, but i have entitled my list "operation keep it together." right now all i have on my strawberry shaped notebook page is the title, which is a reference to a joke from a movie some of my close friends and i recently watched and quote quite a bit more often than is probably funny. it's also refers to the feeling i have that everything is about to fall apart. of course this is me being pessimistic, but it's a looming feeling i have. things just aren't currently headed in the right direction. probably i should try to be more optimistic this year.

things i might make goals about:
-writing in my journal (which i didn't do even one time in 2009)
-reading more books (i'm decent at this already, but i want to step it up)
-biting my nails (sigh)
-learning something
-getting stronger
-taking care of my car
-saving money
-continuing my education
-being social at church (which i am infinitely bad at)
-going to the temple (holy cow i have not been good at this lately...and i live in utah...)
-volunteering
-studying habits
-making plans
-being nicer

i won't be making a goal in all of these areas. that would be overwheming. these are just ideas. ideas of things that i wish i had the desire to work on, which isn't true for all of them. for example, i have no desire to write in my journal. this is because i am just not the sort of person who goes back and reads what i wrote x number of years ago. i'm the one who wrote it. i don't have a lot of interest in my own personal past. i don't know why, i just don't really care. it's so...boring. so that would be hard. another one is being social at church. the reason i'm not is because i just don't want to. i abhor small talk. it makes me want to rip my eyeballs out of my head. my personal version of hell would look oddly familiar to a church classroom where i had to talk to strangers for a few minutes at a time about insignificant happenings in their daily lives and their tiresome opinion on the sunday school lesson. a d&c sunday school lesson.

so we'll see. i'll keep you posted.

just give me somethin' to blog about

can you read it?

i don't normally read this blog, but i'm just sitting here waiting for my sister to show up. i hope this is fake. and illegal.

perchance to dream

Many things--such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly--are done worst when we try hardest to do them. --CS Lewis