run, that ye may obtain

i think my big problem with completing new year's resolutions is the same for any type of goal i set. namely, once i fail i just quit trying. actually, this is how i am with anything. once i do poorly at something i just give it up completely. from something as small as a single homework assignment to the always-in-my-life goal of quitting my nail-biting, once i mess up, i'm done. this is also my pattern for when i do something well. if i reach what i believe is my best, i quit. that might actually sound healthy, but it's not. i'm talking about things i could possibly get better at, but feel like it would take a lot more work than it's worth. like playing the clarinet. or getting a b instead of an a. all this being said, i've never been the sort to make new year's resolutions. i feel like most people don't actually fulfill their new year's goals and i don't want to be one those people who makes a goal and tries really hard for two weeks and then gives it all up, and then does the exact same thing the next year. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting the same result. at least according to einstein.

so this year i've decided to make some new year's goals. i've excluded the word resolution from my goal making because one-it just sounds like something people don't actually accomplish, and two-the only time people use this word is at the new year, which doesn't sound like something you'd continue working on in july. so...what should i work on this year?

i haven't made any solid goals yet, but i have entitled my list "operation keep it together." right now all i have on my strawberry shaped notebook page is the title, which is a reference to a joke from a movie some of my close friends and i recently watched and quote quite a bit more often than is probably funny. it's also refers to the feeling i have that everything is about to fall apart. of course this is me being pessimistic, but it's a looming feeling i have. things just aren't currently headed in the right direction. probably i should try to be more optimistic this year.

things i might make goals about:
-writing in my journal (which i didn't do even one time in 2009)
-reading more books (i'm decent at this already, but i want to step it up)
-biting my nails (sigh)
-learning something
-getting stronger
-taking care of my car
-saving money
-continuing my education
-being social at church (which i am infinitely bad at)
-going to the temple (holy cow i have not been good at this lately...and i live in utah...)
-volunteering
-studying habits
-making plans
-being nicer

i won't be making a goal in all of these areas. that would be overwheming. these are just ideas. ideas of things that i wish i had the desire to work on, which isn't true for all of them. for example, i have no desire to write in my journal. this is because i am just not the sort of person who goes back and reads what i wrote x number of years ago. i'm the one who wrote it. i don't have a lot of interest in my own personal past. i don't know why, i just don't really care. it's so...boring. so that would be hard. another one is being social at church. the reason i'm not is because i just don't want to. i abhor small talk. it makes me want to rip my eyeballs out of my head. my personal version of hell would look oddly familiar to a church classroom where i had to talk to strangers for a few minutes at a time about insignificant happenings in their daily lives and their tiresome opinion on the sunday school lesson. a d&c sunday school lesson.

so we'll see. i'll keep you posted.